Off By One

This is directed mostly towards anyone that knows me personally, which is, last time i checked, anyone who reads this site - it’s not like i have a broad readership.

I’ve been trying to figure out why i’m so short-tempered of late. This isn’t a new thing, but i kind of had it brought home to me how serious it was just this morning. I’ve been snappy, touchy, and generally suspicious of the motivations of someone whom i should be implicitly trustful of, and it’s not fair to her. So, now i want to figure out why.

It’s shitty being asked by the one you love why you “hate her all the time” - it kind of brings it into focus, where before i was seeing only my side of the story. I haven’t been there for Char the way i should have been, and i think that’s a big part of the problem now. i know that i’m a bit of a recluse - my favourite place is right where i am - sitting in front of my computers. What i have to adjust to is that there’s now a better use of my time, and treat her accordingly.

So why am i so damn touchy? You people all know me… Help me out. I think i need some advice on this score before i do irreparable damage to the best thing i have in my life. If this is more serious than i’d thought, i may owe more than one person an apology.

I’m sick of being an asshole. I’d really rather stop.

I’m tired…

But happy - mostly. Went out last night and saw The Two Towers at ~12:05 AM, which would have been a wiser thing to do if i had only, say, not had to work at 8 this morning, and thus gotten only one hour of sleep. The movie was fscking amazing. I will be the first to admit that it didn’t have the visceral thrill to it that FOTR did, simply because FOTR was unburdened by raised expectations. I fully expect, for myself, that subsequent viewings will, as was the case with the first installment, smooth out the rough spots that i noticed. And, of course, i can’t wait for the extended DVD

The night ended on a bit of a down note, though, which was too bad - i really hate getting in serious scraps with Char, especially ones that lead to the sort of bad feelings spurred by this one. I’m not really gonna go into details, but… Well, it’s not that bad - we’re not breaking up or anything - but it was… unpleasant.